Unconditional Love

I’ve heard a lot about this term my entire life. Particularly when it comes to family and a life partner.

Looking up various examples of what this meaning is, I’ve found that it’s mainly defined as “to offer love freely with no preset conditions, expectations or payment of love in return.”

But how realistic is that?

When it comes to my children, I would have to say that I’m pretty damn near close to having this type of love for them.

There’s something about that maternal bond that seems to grow stronger the more time has passed. If I let my brain go off on a tangent, I could think of some awful things my kids could do that could make me not like them very much, but I don’t think I would ever stop loving them. That to me is unconditional love. The love that endures and is constant throughout time.

When I first started dating way back in high school, I remember having these romantic notions of what love should be. And unconditional love was a term I would often say and profess to my partners. That led to some really dysfunctional emotions and excessive heartache. The truth is, constant hurt can diminish love between two people who have come together by choice. Resentments form, hurtful words continue to replay in our minds. We can not expect to keep love alive, when we’re assuming it will always be there.

What I’ve learned, is that when it comes to a relationship there must be conditions established between both parties in order for it to work, be fulfilling, and grow.

I can not expect to treat or be treated by my partner with disrespect, withhold emotions, take out anger, and expect to have that love still be there.

If I want a fulfilling, long lasting, loving relationship, I must put conditions on my love. Set boundaries. Mend past indiscretions, and learn from mistakes.

This does not mean withholding love. Quite the opposite. It means discovering what is needed from our loved ones to create, sustain and grow love and getting the same in return.

Love is such an amazing gift that costs absolutely nothing. We can give it, receive it, but it’s also fragile and must be handled with care and nurtured, much like a child in order for it be healthy and grow.

Conditional love is not something we just want to give to others. It’s required for ourselves as well.

Learning to love and respect ourselves, and quiet self deprecating talk, will ultimately teach us to expand that onto others. It’s a constant practice though; one that isn’t easy by any stretch, but loving just feels so much better than hate. And that’s what keeps me pushing on.